Blog 2022-06-12: "Save Us Mister Jesus"

I knew I wanted to make fun of Mike Pence, but he’s one of the least fun people imaginable. The only really interesting thing about Mike Pence is that a fly landed on him during the 2020 VP debate with Kamala Harris and it stayed on his head for a comically long time. 

But I know he’s a homophobe and rabidly against women’s rights to make decisions about their health care. I can work with that.

So his opening number is a Christian prayer featuring brides and grooms, then brides and brides and grooms and grooms, and dancing abortion symbols. 

Here’s a drafty set of lyrics for  “Save Us Mister Jesus.” (To the tune of "Oh, Gentlemen, Listen, I Pray” from TRIAL BY JURY by Gilbert and Sullivan.)

PENCE (sings in prayer)

Save us, Mister Jesus, I pray,

Just how low must I sink to keep playing,

This dangerous game that I play,

To stop Donald Trump in his raging?

I know in my heart that I fight,

The battle for Right and Your way,

I think of the babies I’ve saved, 

And the people who choose to be gay.

Ah! Please, Mister Jesus, I pray,

Please put a stop to this treason!

Even the trans and the gays,

Should live in a land ruled by reason!

BRIDES & GROOMS and DANCING ALIEN BABY CHORUS

Ah! Please, Mister Jesus, he prays,

Please put a stop to this treason!

Even the trans and the gays,

Should live in a land ruled by reason!

PENCE

They know the election was clean. 

But Trump’s not accepting the big loss. 

They lie and they cheat and they intimidate

Ignoring the perilous cost;

It might not be bloodless, this coup,

I’ve heard that I might be in danger,

I’m not really sure where or who,

It might be from friends or a stranger.

Ah! Please, Mister Jesus, I pray,

Please put a stop to this treason!

Even the trans and the gays,

Should live in a land ruled by reason!

BRIDES & GROOMS and DANCING ALIEN BABY CHORUS

Ah! Please, Mister Jesus, he prays,

Please put a stop to this treason!

Even the trans and the gays,

Should live in a land ruled by reason!

PENCE and CHORUS

Amen!